doubledover

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Two quick back stories then the real story

Tuesday was not a great day. First of all, Brian's office was freezing - 56 degrees. So he posted notes around the office that read:

Notice!
In order to improve productivity and reduce costs, all office thermostats in the IS areas will now only operate at sub-freezing temperatures. To avoid hypothermia or frostbite, please keep productive. And remember, personal heaters are not allowed. Thanks.
The Management

His boss' boss wanted to know who put the signs up. Apparently he was not amused. Then, on the way to the accountant's office, I rear-ended Brian's car. That's right. I banged right into it. We were in stop-and-go traffic and he stopped and I go'ed. By the time we got to the accountant's office we were both in horrible moods. I was even a little teary-eyed. Brian went out to talk to the cops* while I stayed inside to try and get our taxes taken care of.
Now our accountant's name is Doris Fischer. Her husband, Claude, is older than dirt and is her acting secretary.** They have an office in a converted 5-room (total) house in the heart of Eastlake. It's paint, wallpaper and decor are all pretty much original. At least, they probably have not been replaced since the 50's. The whole house leans slightly to the left. But, my dad used her, my granddad used her, and my great-uncle still uses her, so there we were, for the 8th year in a row (or so).
I sat in Doris' office choking back tears, trying to get through our yearly deductions.
"Honey, do you need a co-cola?"
"No, thank you. I'm ok."
"Ya'll have had such a hard day! *sigh* I tell ya! We're just 'gone pray for the Lord to be with you! That's all you can do!"
Being from the south I'm familiar with folks saying they'll pray for you. It's practically common courtesy. Just like, "How's your mom'n 'em?" and "let's get some lunch, y'ownt to?" So I replied, "oh, thank you Doris. I appreciate that." And went back to my receipts...
"DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER..."
I looked up and realized abruptly that Doris had her head bowed. "Oh! Now!" I said as I lowered my head.
"... please be with Kim today as we do her taxes, Lord! Please help us give her good news, Lord, she needs some good news today, Claude..."
Did she just say CLAUDE instead of God?
"...please help this young couple know, Lord Jesus in heaven, that this fender bender is just part of life, and we thank you, Heavenly Father, that nobody was hurt. We just ask, Claude.."
Ok, she CLEARLY said Claude that time.
"... that you touch Brian's boss today, Lord, that he knows that Brian was just tryin' to get a decent working environment for himself and his coworkers. He didn't mean anything by that note, Claude, he was just young."
I peeked with one eye to see if Claude was actually standing in the doorway. Maybe she WAS asking Claude to touch us... I'd need to be ready for that. While I don't normally enjoy praying with my accountant, I kinda thought that praying to Claude was nice. I've been doing a lot since then. "Claude, please help me get through this conference call without killing someone." "Claude, thank you for giving me the patience to watch two straight hours of Elmo." "Please touch the calculator, Claude, such that I might have more money in my checking account than I think I have." I really think it's helped my outlook on life.

*Who's first response was, "you called the COPS on your WIFE?!?"
** When he called me to make my appointment we got everything all scheduled. He called me back five minutes after we hung up. "Ms Cornett, I wanted to see if you needed to make an appointment?" "No, Claude, we just got off the phone. We just made an appointment." "Ok, then. I guess you’re all set!"

3 Comments:

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Steph said...

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! That one is just gold. I don't know whether to tell you to quit your accountant or not, but wowee, that was funny.

BTW, Claude told me to send you that postcard. :D

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Mandy said...

ROFLMAO!!!! Classic! I hope Claude will give ya good news on the taxes. ;)

And shame on Brian for calling the cops on his wife. ;) Hehe!

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger Angi said...

OK I'm slow and just getting caught up but damn I'm glad I did. I needed a good laugh today!

 

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